Julie Hickton's Blog

De cluttering to make way for the new







In a recent coaching session a client referred to herself decluttering her house of books and old paperwork and how it was making her feel that she was getting ready for a new future.

We then used this metaphor of decluttering to help explore what decluttering other aspects of her life might include; decluttering her behaviours, decluttering her emotions, decluttering relationships as well as other physical things in her life. 

When we are wanting to change things in our lives we often don’t think about how we need to make room for the new things. Yes, if we buy a new piece of furniture we might have considered what needs to go to make space for the new piece, but when we are considering behaviours or emotions we don’t think about things we might need to let go of to make space for the new.

My client for example was wanting to build new friendships in preparation for the next phase of her life that would allow her to be nearer to home. Building relationships and maintaining relationships takes energy and time, often in a positive way, but it still fills space in our lives. For those relationships we have that are further afield we need to be conscious in what we need to do to keep them alive and meaningful. 

Another client was becoming so stressed trying to keep the communication up with all her friends as she had so many and felt that every time they dropped her a text or what’s app message she needed to respond immediately. This pressure was so strong  that she wasn’t then enjoying the time she had when she was with others,  as she was being so responsive to the need to communicate electronically rather than enjoying the moment of just being with others.

The question that we explored was with who did she want to build stronger friendships and what would need to happen for her to be able to do that?

For both these clients and with myself recently I have recognised that if I want to have different relationships then I need to create space to be able to do that. Which meant for me letting go of some relationships, it doesn’t mean I didnt value them and didn’t appreciate what we had but they had changed and were no longer right for me in the way in which they were. For my clients one identified that she could be a little bit more selective about where and with whom she invested her time to build relationships and where, she would accept that it was ok not to do this with all relationships within the work place. The other client let go of constantly responding to the electronic communication and spent quality time doing and being with those people that she felt there was a real connection.

The decluttering metaphor helps us re think what we might need to let go of as its time is no longer helpful for our personal wellbeing, so that we might make space for something new and nurturing that will enhance our wellbeing at this time in our lives.

I’ve spoken about relationships here, the same is true for behaviours and emotions, it might be time to let go of that regret, that guilt, that giving yourself a hard time, whatever might be holding you back, preventing you from being how you want to be. Realise its time to let it go so you can have space to replace it with something else. Without the space we can’t fit in new things.

So, my question to you is:

 “What decluttering would be helpful in your life at this moment?” 





Leave a comment